From time to time we all could use a little advice on how to control our tempers. I know there are some real reasons for getting angry (like being… ROBBED, MUGGED or MURDERED but in those cases you are usually in too much shock to get angry or YOU’RE DEAD)… But most of the time anger rears its ugly head when our egos take a wallop or two or we just plain ole DON’T GET OUR OWN WAY… Waaaa! If only we could all realize that getting pissed just exacerbates the situation and that somehow remaining civil will do us and the particular (infuriating) circumstance at hand, A HELLUVA lot more good.
The writer of this article recommends 8 positive ways to control HISSY FITS which are quite good (the reason I am creating this page) But the one recommendation that I like BEST is the last one…
I’ve included a few jokes which should mend many-a-angry heart. If, perchance, they don’t touch yours (even with just a flicker of a grin) then you may be beyond hope so just STAY MAD AS HELL AND NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!
And find out where that will land you! thinkingblue
Healthy Living Wednesday, February 3, 2010
by Gretchen Rubin,
One of my worst faults is my quick temper. I’ve
been working hard to control my anger—by not expressing
it, or even better, not feeling it.
The problem with that familiar advice about “counting
to 10” is that I can never remember to do it. Here are
some strategies that do work for me, when I manage to use
1. Don’t give in to my anger. Many people believe in
the “catharsis hypothesis” and think that
expressing anger is healthy-minded and relieves their
feelings. Not so. Studies show that expressing anger only
aggravates it. I’ve certainly found this to be true;
once I get going, I can whip myself into a fury. It’s
better to stay calm.
2. Let the sun go down on my anger. I tend to get
irritated with the Big Man at night, probably because
I’m tired. Now I force myself to wait until the next day
to berate him about this or that. And the next morning, my
anger is completely gone.
3. Accept blame. I hate being in the wrong, and often snap
back when people find fault with something I’ve done.
Now I really try to pause to ask myself, “Am I in the
wrong?” and to respond with gentleness.
4. Ask: “Am I improving the situation?” This
works especially well with the Big Girl. If I get angry with
her, she has a complete melt-down. It’s unpleasant, but
her reactions have sure helped me get better control of
myself. Now, when I have the urge to snap, I think, “Is
this going to help the situation?” And the answer is
5. Find “an area of refuge.” I lifted
this phrase from a sign near an elevator at Yale Law
School—it struck me as funny. Research shows that when people’s thoughts are unoccupied, brooding sets in. So I try to “find an area of refuge” in my mind; that
is, to dwell on serene thoughts instead of brooding and
fussing. Along the same lines…
6. Distract myself. Indulging in
“overthinking”—dwelling on trifling slights,
unpleasant encounters, and sadness—leads to bad
feelings. I can enrage myself by obsessing on some petty
annoyance. In what the Big Man calls the “downward
spiral,” I begin to rail about every negative episode in
recent memory. Now I deliberately distract my thoughts,
usually by thinking about some writing question.
7. Ask: am I mad at myself? Martha Beck makes the
interesting argument that we brood on other people’s
faults when we subconsciously identify with them; what we
condemn in other people is what we condemn in ourselves. So
now when someone is making me angry, I ask myself, “Can
I accuse myself of the same fault?” In a telling bit of
psychology, I’ve noticed Beck’s observation to be
very true for other people, but not so much for myself! Do I
suspect a bit of self-denial might be going on…?
8. Laugh. Humor is the answer to everything (humor
and exercise). Now when I absolutely can’t hold back my anger, I at least try to insert a joke, or make fun of
myself, or assume a lighter tone as I rant on. So instead of sniping out a comment like “Can you PLEASE just answer my emails so I can deal with these horrible logistics issues?!” I might say something like, “I’m
thinking of getting a homing pigeon that will fly to your office and rap on your window with its beak until you send me an answer.” The added advantage of this approach is that no matter how the other person responds, I feel less angry and more light-hearted when I adopt a lighter tone.
My resolution for this month is “Go the extra
step.” As part of that, I’m trying to take extra
steps to promote my blog – even when that means doing
things that make me uncomfortable. (Like attaching this note
to a few posts.)
One of the challenges of a blog is just letting people
know that it’s there. And so I’m asking you for a
If you have the time and the inclination, it would be a
huge help if you would email anyone you know who might enjoy
this blog, to give them the link and tell them a bit about
it. Word of mouth is very powerful.
My happiness research predicts that if you do this good
deed, you’ll feel great! That’s the Samaritan
effect: “do good, feel good.”
I really appreciate your help. Be happy, Gretchen
Susie’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.
“You know” he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, “you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
“And you know what?”
“What, dear?” she asked gently, smiling to herself.
“I think you’re bad luck.”
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company.
One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.
So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, “OK, I’m in deep trouble now!” Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one
delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.” Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew,” says the leopard. “That was close. That dachshund nearly had me.” Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.
But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.” Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t
seen them yet … and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says…
“Where’s that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.”
Two rednecks decided that they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
The first went in to see the counselor, who recommended him to take history or logical thinking class.
“What’s logical thinking?” the first redneck asked.
The professor answered, “Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?”
“I sure do.”
“Then I can assume, using logical thinking, that you have a yard,” replied the professor.
“That’s real good!” said the redneck.
The professor continued, “Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house.”
Impressed, the redneck said, “Amazing!”
“And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife.”
“That’s Betty Mae! This is incredible!”
The redneck was catching on.
“Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual,” said the professor.
“You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinating thing I ever heard! I can’t wait to take that logical thinking class!”
The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.
“So what class are ya taking’?” asked the friend.
“logical thinking class!” replied the first redneck.
“What the hell is logical thinking?” asked his friend.
“Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?” asked the first redneck.
“No,” his friend replied.
“You’re gay, ain’t ya?”
Funny Pictures and Cartoons
Have a laugh on me. thethinkingblue youtube channel
Please sign this very important petition “demand question time” (of our political leaders) HERE… We really need more dialog from those at the top… The Republicans have got to be made to realize they can’t hide behind “NO” any longer! thinkingblue
Let’s keep our heads, while we continue to watch THE
THEATER OF THE ABSURD!!! thinkingblue